Sour Straps

Hey again,

A week since my last post (I think - but mostly, enough of a time since). The last week feels like it went past really quickly until two days ago.

A lot is happening in the kinship nest as I think you know. We have celebrations and healing going on and a fair bit of smiles. This is all good stuff. I think we're at the point where a bond can be repaired if a few choices are made, so I'm going to sit back and watch to see if it plays out the way that I anticipate.

I don't think that you're going to be around for the wedding as you are occupied with a wedding yourself! I heard rumblings of castles and I think that's a refreshing and interesting scene. I'd be interested in some photos of what it looks like inside if that's what ends up happening. Wish Alex all the best from me, I like her.
Otherwise I will be happy to work out some sort of live feed or photo reel of our faces at the Aussie wedding if you'd like?

These are the parts of my week that felt short - Lots of workout time, some reading, a lot of Instagram visual feasts, a few outings with large groups of people, and phone calls with people.

Parts of my week that felt long - Work on a really cold and short day, Teta lunch, and connecting with a new human.

Last week I was hurting a bit inside because one of my most important relationships came to a close. Your 'flicker' of identity words helped me with it. I am floating around a fair bit less this week (but still floating a little, just enough). I had to make a few choices because my vibe was losing strength. I was a faint beat waiting for revival for a long time. I had to revive myself. It's working though. I feel better. I think I even feel good.

I'm going to push some different habits over the next month. I made a pact. The 20th to the 20th. Positive vibes, calmer tones, and lack of embarrassment of seeking out companies that I already know that I enjoy. These are things that I always want to do, however in bouts of discouragement I lose the motivation and fall into sad habits. So a month. It's been nice so far. I've been chill and I've seen some people I really like and spoken with others that I haven't been able to see. I need to make some plans for next week otherwise I will lose it again.

I think that I am trying to outweigh the average with the good (average, not bad. I have to cut out the bad for this month).

I ate a whole box of rainbow coloured sour straps yesterday. I feel like I'd vomit something really pretty right now.

This week was a lot of internal stuff. Maybe next I will be able to say something external that is more engaging as a means of honouring my month pact.

I hope you're well and that you check the space when you can,
all my love (all of it),
Sarah KKPISTBMFB <3

Merhaba, G'day.

Hey,

Letters are tough and your postcards make me laugh. Welcome to my letters to you. A few weeks after you left I realised that there was something in our bond that I wasn't nourishing while you were here. That's always the way, you don't know what you have until it's gone and then you eat your heart out and wait in vain until the ball drops and at the end of the day you say that's how the cookie crumbles. 
Back off to those, I'm going to start loving you again here. 

You left in March and I started to realise that I had many things that I always wanted to be sharing with you. I need you over here. They're all a little loopy and no one wants to dance :( - Don't come back, keep doing it. 

Your postcard made me as happy as the one from Berlin that is still tacked to my wall. Your new do is treating you well and your return address is something that I don't quite know how to write down to make sure that a letter would get to you. The contents of moments in my life are thus documented below.

What's gone on since March? 

- I've realised that I have a lot in terms of relationship riches, but in some cases, you are all I have.

- More and more I am thrusting myself into situations and experiences that are outside of the comfort zone you have been coaching me out of for years and thank you thank you.

- My dogs are really good people.

- I jumped in a tank with some sharks and I think I really like to do things like that.

- I am good at writing characters but I am not good at writing what they do.

- I'm sort of becoming a teacher and enjoying the interactions that I get to have with younger humans that are constantly trying to appropriate themselves. They say really good value things. 

- I've lost someone really close to me and have been wading through a pool of others who have always created a current, but never crashed me down to the sand like a heavy wave. This isn't a good happening, but it is still happening. 

I've also listened to this recording a few times and really enjoyed it. James Baldwin on the Artist's struggle for integrity - https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w-IyamaAbxM 
Only the poet's know us. 

I look forward to more spurts of colour that flood the Instagram feeds that you and Soph put out for us people in the blackest city Melbourne. I look forward to more of you and more thoughts for you that will be less frantic the next time around. I'll check back soon when I know more of who I'd like to be. 

Sending love and vibes,
Sarah xx